If you've known me for a while or followed my blog you can probably tell that I'm pretty much an open book.  So then if you know that about me,  this post shouldn't disappoint...

This has been a rough year for one of my kiddos.  Now I know she's not a "kid" anymore in High School, but I would say there is still an innocence in her that I desperately want to keep within her, but at the same time help her to build a knowledge of what the "red flags" are in the life of a young adult.  What to watch for, what to guard yourself from...

Let me first say that I don't think we can protect our kids from getting hurt and maybe those bumps along the road are actually learning tools for them.  (Sucks as that may be)  So then, how do we teach them to go through these bumps while STILL living out the life our Lord wants us to live?  I just told her when she left for school " Fruits of the Spirit girl..."  But in all honestly, she's probably better at it then me.  

I really debated doing this blog post, but I firmly believe there's something to be learned from a mother's perspective, so hear goes…

My girl got her heart broken.  Now I know that's not a "NEWS FLASH,"  it happens all the time.  She's not the first to have it happen and nowhere near the last.  But someone broke HER heart and that's hard to see for this momma.  So how do I teach her something through this pain?  My husband and I were talking about this last night.  What are the "red flags" that we should have noticed?  Or that she should have seen?  I think there are a few that we came up with that might help someone else and thus the reason for this brutally honest blog post today.   I hope it helps someone else out there... a mother, a single woman waiting for the right guy, a teenager... 

Red flag #1: Girls are not a game to be played or a sport to bounce back and forth from.  Oh boys... It may feel great to have girls interested in you but using them to make yourself feel good is never going to get you the relationship the Lord wants for you.  Keeping one door open while you’re pursuing another isn’t either. One girl at a time people.  If that's not the first building block to a true relationship, I don't know what is!  So girls, look for the guy that is SOLD OUT to Jesus and only has eyes for you.  I LOVE this saying I found on Pinterest:

Girls, are you pursuing your relationship with the Lord FIRST?  


But getting back to relationships in High School... Oh they can be "sooo High School"...  lol 

A little back story:  When we were raising our little girls we had decided that they weren't going to date in HS.  You date to find a spouse and you can't get married in HS.  So that was that, right?  But then as they got older and we had many conversations with other parents we came to the decision that they could go ahead and date their Junior & Senior years, with parameters.  We felt it was ok in group settings and that dating while they were still home and not away at college would provide accountability for the guy and a safety net for our daughters because they are close to home.  Well, Victoria never wanted to.  I gave her a copy of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and even though she says she never really read much of it, she told US that she was waiting for the "One God has for her"  and as you know from her awesome love story (I blogged about it last December down below) it worked out amazingly for her!  Well Rebecca and Isabella have seen this awesome example in Dany & Victoria's relationship and so my Junior in HS decided to wait as well.  Her and Isabella even came up with the saying "I'm waiting for my Dany".  SCORE!  We don't have to deal with dating yet again in HS...  But along comes a young man who seems to be the "Dany type" and after a few weeks of not wanting to like this guy, she feels like the Lord is giving her the green light to start a "friendship” with him because she thinks he is the type of Godly man she would want in her life some day.  How do you argue with that?

Young men, be THAT guy that God desires you to be for the young women searching for you.


Red flag #2:  Girls BELIEVE the words you say to them.  Guys, remember this the most out of all that I'm telling you!  Tell them the truth, be very careful with your words and don’t lead them on.  Don’t tell them you love them and want a future with them unless you are ready for that.  They are “commitment” words and should be saved for when you are READY for the one you want a real future with.  The one you feel the Lord has brought into your life for a reason and you value her worth SO MUCH you would fight to keep her in your life!   So be careful with what you say and hold those “three little words” for when you know the Lord has brought the right person into your life.

Oh how I love the quote above!  In my blog post about Dany & Victoria I share about Dany and how he prayed the Lord would close his eyes to girls when he first came to intern at the bible college.  He knew how he had been before and knew he wanted to change and focus on the RIGHT thing. So guess what...He doesn't even REMEMBER meeting Victoria the first time because that's exactly what God did!  He closed his eyes to her until it was the right time.  Is your heart melting??  Ok maybe not, by mine is and did... God is SO good, He writes the BEST love stories!

Red flag #3:  Keeping a girl out of every other part of your life is only going to make her wonder why...  It’s going to make her question why she isn’t good enough for you.  It’s going to make her wonder If she isn’t VALUED enough or pretty enough or whatever “enough” to be a part of your life to be let into your real life.  It also keeps you from getting to know her life.  Guys, this is TRUTH: No matter what girl you choose to pursue, they are telling others about you!  Yes, girls talk.  They tell their friends, their moms, their hair stylist... hahaha  It's just fact.  Now guys may be able to hide the girls they like from their friends and family, but girls don’t do that.  Girls want to bring them in and have them get to know their family and friends. Then we moms get invested, we pray for them and we want the best for them too.  I don’t think guys realize that being a girls “friend” also makes them a part of their lives whether they know that or not.  But that should be the awesome part of being in a relationship with someone who comes from a Christ centered family.  You get another family that loves you! (you can read more about this in my "Oh {boys} blog post)  Don't we all want that though... to be loved and accepted? To find our "person" and find out, guess what...they have more "persons" that come with them... and they love you too!

So don’t keep the girl you love away from the other people you love.  Let them in and let them see who you are in total.  

I'd also add to this great list:  A guy that is PROUD to introduce you to his family.  A guy who is so excited about you that he can't stop talking about you with his friends...

Last red flag:  If you say you don’t want to hurt them, then don’t.  Easy right?  Nope.  God made guys and girls different for a reason, but some times I think it would have been a LOT easier if we could have a manual to understand these differences!  I think guys don’t get that girls don’t “move on” as easy as guys.  Or that girls don't really think they can just be "buds" with you. There will always be the world wide debate of "Can a guy and girl just be friends?"... I don't have the answer to that.  But I know that girls have a harder time putting guys into a “friend box” then guys can do with girls.  Girls tend to think that everything the guy is saying is maybe something more?? (Especially if it's after they've been more then friends.)  So heads up guys... When you talk to girls, message girls, or flirt with them, they are going to think you like them!  So you better like them.  Don’t just do it because it's “fun” or you still want them to hang on, or it feels good to have someone/anyone like you.  If you don’t see a possibility of a future with them or want that with them, let them go or don't even start.  Because you're just going to have one more girl get hurt and be one less step closer to the right relationship.

This past Sunday we had a guest speaker, Chet Lowe, at our church because our pastor was in Israel.  This guest speaker spoke such wisdom and his story is so incredible.  It was powerful!  If you have time, I would encourage you to listen to this.  His topic was perfect for this:

What kind of letter are you letting the Lord write on your heart?


Now after all that I've poured out and all the red flags I've said to watch out for, I do want to say this:  

Don’t be afraid to fall in love with someone completely!  

I know from experience what it is to have a amazing relationship that has lasted with the man I love for almost 27 years!  Those amazing relationships you hear about ARE out there.  I'm not talking about a fairytale... I'm talking about a REAL up and down, crazy, messy, GREAT love.  It's not a perfect love because we are not perfect.  But when two imperfect people come together to serve a perfect God, it IS good.  REAL GOOD.   If you are looking for that and willing to work hard to keep that, the Lord will bless you WITH that.  Relationships take work, but they are SO worth it! And when you are READY to be the right person, go for it!

I wouldn't say "lucky" but it sure is a BLESSING from the Lord and one He want's to give you if you are willing to do what is right. 

I'm not sure if there's something in the water lately, but my girl isn't the only one that has gone through stuff  in the past few weeks.  I've had the opportunity to share with a few girls lately about love and loss, and waiting.  I posted this last week on my @awelldocumentedlife IG page:

"Enjoyed a quick breakfast with two girls who needed to hear this today: Be still and wait". But actually, don't we all need to hear this? How hard is it to do BOTH of these things? Let's be serious... Be still, be quiet, take time to rest... Who has time for that? And now I'm also supposed to wait? Wait for what I want to have happen? Wait to get what I want? Wait to see if it's the right thing?  Those are all SO hard to do! BUT, they are a KEY  component in trusting your life fully to the Lord. It's the truth no matter how we slice it... How many times do we look back and see more clearly? "Well, maybe I should have waited, or not done this, or gone a different path..."  Maybe  if we would have waited and taken time to "be still" the Lord would have shown us the BEST choice, His best for our lives! So give those dreams and plans and goals to the Lord. And then wait.  Pray. Trust that He will show you the BEST plans for your life. You won't be disappointed in what He has for you! 
Lamentations 3:25  "The Lord is GOOD to those who wait for the Lord, to the souls who seeks him.  It is good that we should wait quietly..."

His path is SO much better then you can ever have dreamed up on your own.  

So wait for it because it's out there!

So focus on Jesus first and don't worry about the rest.  He is working in your life and the life of the one He has for you. It will happen when it is the RIGHT TIME.

In the meantime... be in prayer.  Give it all to the Lord.  Let go of everything YOU WANT and ask the Lord what He is calling you to. 

What has He laid on your heart?  

Where does He see your future?  

Seek after that.  

Run towards that.  

Don't run from it...

 Go LIVE the life you are called to live!

Yes, there's a REASON you were created!  Just like the quote above says: "How COOL is it that the same GOD that created mountains, and oceans, and galaxies looked at YOU and thought the world needed YOU TOO!!  Jeremiah 1:5 says "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you..."

God has a PLAN for your life and I'll say it again... It is WAY more AWESOME then you can dream up!  I know it is, I'm living proof.  Seek after HIS will for your life and He will show it to you!!

And just an FYI...  There's a little joke in our marriage.  I tell Lance all the time that IF I had met him in HS we would NOT be married.  This guy had LONG "Van Halen" type hair and wore ANGELFLIGHT Jeans!  People... we would NOT have dated in HS!  I would LOVE to share a picture of this handsome man in that outfit your mind is picturing but I value my marriage... lol  I tell you this story because I know HE wasn't ready to meet me and I wasn't ready to meet him.  Dany has become an amazing young man and we love him so much, but I highly doubt in HS or young adulthood he was the man he is now for Victoria.  Spiritual maturity takes time.  Emotional maturity take time.  And for you guys and girls in HS... there's LOTS of time!  Just take the time to grow, learn and become the person someone will be waiting for.  

And if you're wondering how my girl is doing...

She is fine.  Actually she is better then FINE!  From this experience I have seen her grow closer to the Lord and lean on Him more.  She has learned more about herself and what she is looking for in a man some day.  I'm so proud of her and the woman she is becoming!  I couldn't have guarded her from this experience and maybe I wouldn't have even wanted to.  And this young man you ask?  She saw something in him that I know is there.  He does love the Lord too and I also know he will learn from this... and in time, grow to be the man some girl will be happy to have in her life.

Oh my goodness... why do my blog posts look like books?  


Next blog post will be full of fluff and lightness and... short.   I promise!

Hugs to all,